This next post is gonna be unusually short. But not because Yolanda feels like shutting up. Oh no. Never!
It’s just that there’s only one measly pic of the house we are discussing today, so we ain’t got much to flap our fat jaws about. We do apologize and beg forgiveness. These things happen. C’est la vie.
Anyway, for those who don’t know, Los Angeles is a huge city. Especially in terms of sprawl. So there’s all these fancifully-named neighborhoods like Pacific Palisades and Silver Lake and Holmby Hills. And Melrose Village. For those who ain’t familiar, Melrose Village is adjacent to the city of West Hollywood. It’s bordered on the west by busy-busy Fairfax Ave and on the east by also-busy Highland Ave. And the neighborhood’s even got its own blog, so you know it’s real official!
Like its neighbors West Hollywood and Beverly Grove, Melrose Village has seen a recent spat of developers hoovering up old single-story homes for $1 million and change and proceeding to rip them down to quickly erect boxy two-story contemporaries. Those new (sometimes cheaply built) spec-houses usually change hands for $3 million or more. Nice work if you can get it, right?
Anyway, back in August (2016) a not-yet-completed mini-mansion in the proverbial heart of the neighborhood sold for $3,987,000. Yolanda is pretty damn certain that’s the highest price ever paid in the Village. Ever.
Listing info provides just one photo and a bare-bones description. About all we know is that the place clocks in at 5,098-square-feet with 5 beds and a total of 4.75 baths.
Yolanda has no clue what the interiors look like, but we can sorta guess. Can’t you? Let’s see: an open floor plan, rear walls of glass, hundreds of recessed LED lights, high-end kitchen appliances (Wolf or Viking), a pool and spa, a media room, and a prominently-placed wine storage closet or room.
Did we get it right?!
It should also be noted that the house is referred to as “Cape Cod”. And indeed, the style is remarkably dissimilar from most of the uber-modern new places nearby. However, kiddies, we hate to beat a dead-buried-and-exhumed horse, but this is not what we picture when we imagine a Cape Cod house.
A Cape Cod house, y’all, is generally defined by its low, broad frame and steeply pitched roof with end gables. That’s not just Yolanda’s ignorant self talking, either. You can find that same description all over the web.
The house we’re discussing today — while certainly attractive and luxurious — has none of those just-mentioned Cape Cod elements. It’s kinda hard to be broad on a .16-acre lot, right?
But we digress. The buyer’s identity is carefully concealed behind an opaque LLC with a silly name. But snoopy Yolanda just happens to know that the proud new owners are super-tall NBA former All-Star center Roy Hibbert and his wife Valerie Cooke.
Here’s our mini-bio of Mr. Hibbert. (Thanks, Wikipedia!) He was born in New York City but raised in Maryland, and he stands a neck-snapping 7 feet and 2 inches tall. From 2008 to 2015, he played for the Indiana Pacers professional basketball team. His career peak seems to have come somewhere around 2013, when he signed a $58 million contract and was named an All-Star player.
However, Mr. Hibbert’s career — as you might know if you’re even a casual NBA fan — has suffered mightily in the last couple years. 2014 was especially brutal for our boy — he recorded no fewer than four scoreless games that year and ultimately had the dubious honor of breaking the NBA record for most scoreless NBA postseason games by a current All-Star. Ouch!
In 2015, the Pacers traded (or more like dumped) Mr. Hibbert onto our very own woefully under-performing LA Lakers. Unfortunately for the Lakers (and Mr. Hibbert), his performance turned even more dismal, and he recorded his worst year in nearly all stats since his rookie debut. After a year, the Lakers (unsurprisingly) dumped Mr. Hibbert and in July (2016) he signed a one-year, $5 million deal with the Charlotte Hornets.
Scarcely a month after signing with the Hornets, Mr. Hibbert plunked down the big bucks for a big new LA house.
After such a brutal experience here, you’d think Mr. Hibbert (and Ms. Cooke) would be eager to burn rubber on outta town, right? But nope. Clearly that’s not the case. They love it here so much that they’re brazenly breakin’ records. That takes chutzpah, kiddies. Yolanda approves.
Anywho. You know that old saying “a picture is like a thousand words” or whatever? Yolanda managed to turn one house picture into a story with nigh on 800 words! That ain’t easy. A new record?
Listing agent: Rande Gray, Keller Williams Hollywood Hills
Mr. Hibbert’s agent: Simon Beardmore, Sotheby’s International Realty