For some odd reason, Yolanda always seems to wind up with the exclusives about those One Direction boys. At least when it comes to their real estate purchases. Not that we’re normally one to toot our own horn (okay, we kinda are) but we were the first to tell you kiddies about Niall Horan’s house in the Hollywood Hills, Louis Tomlinson’s Calabasas compound, and Harry Styles secretly selling his LA starter house up in the Beverly Hills Post Office area. Now we have something extra-special for y’all One Direction fans. They’ve always been our favorite fanbase, as we’ve stated before.
Ever since we first discovered that Mr. Styles unloaded his house at a whopping $830,000 loss, something has been nagging at your gurl. We couldn’t help but feel we were missing an important piece of the puzzle. But just what we were missing eluded us, at least at first. We just knew something was off.
Think about it. Why would Mr. Styles dump his LA house at a major loss? For that matter, why would he sell his LA house at all? It’s not as if he needs the cash. And it’s not as if he’s leaving LA — he’s well-known to spend a great deal of time living here. Indeed, according to the Harry Styles Updates Twitter feed, he’s been out here for the past several weeks.
Selling the house at a substantial loss off-market seemed to indicate one of two things to Yolanda. Either he was desperate to unload it, or he wanted to sell it very quietly and didn’t care if his wallet took a wallop in the process.
But why did he want to sell it uber-quietly and off-market when he probably could’ve gotten more had he officially listed it? Although we couldn’t comprehend it at first, at Yolanda is now certain we know the answer. You see, Mr. Styles had very stealthily already purchased a new home in Los Angeles. And he didn’t want anyone to know he was switching residences.
When we first caught wind Mr. Styles’ uber-stealthy home purchase and discovered it had happened nearly seven months ago, we almost didn’t believe it. Yolanda has been monitoring the LA real estate game for many moons, after all. We’ve never seen a celebrity — particularly a big-name celeb like Mr. Styles — get away with buying a new house for that long. It’s just unheard-of, particularly in the gossip-driven world that is Southern California. Nothing remains secret like that for such a lengthy period of time.
But it’s true. Somehow, Mr. Styles’ new purchase went undetected for the better part of a year. And but for a little bit of craftiness and a whole lot of luck, even your gurl Yolanda Yakketyyak might never have detected it. Yep, our baby boy almost got away with it.
How did he do it? Well, find a comfortable armchair and pour yourself a tall Old Fashioned because we’re gonna tell you.
Mr. Styles’ new, uber-modern house is located in an area that’s technically the Hollywood Hills but is usually referred to as “above the Sunset Strip” because it’s literally a two minute drive from the restaurant-and-nightclub hotspot-laden drag. Property records show the house last sold for $6,870,000 in an off-market transaction way back in January (2016). The home had never officially been on the market, but just a few months prior to the sale it had been offered as a luxury lease.
Now comes the interesting part. Mr. Styles’ old house in the B.H.P.O. was owned through his “Bubble Gum Trust”. His new house was bought by something completely different — a mysterious entity calling itself “HXSIP LLC”. Yolanda is fairly positive that the “SIP” portion of that phrase stands for “Saint Ives Place”. So that leaves “HX”. Hmmm. What could the “H” stand for? We wonder.
It should also be noted that the stated mailing address for this new house’s tax documents is the exact same LA law office to which his old property was also registered. But even more damning then that is the fact the seller of this house was a guy named Drew Fenton. Our Mr. Fenton, bless his heart, happens to be employed as a real estate agent with a boutique firm called Hilton & Hyland. And Mr. Styles’ longtime real estate agent is a guy named Branden Williams who also just happens to be employed at the very same estate agency.
Are you getting a clear picture of how all this bullshiz went down? If not, let Yolanda reenact it for y’all.
HS: “Hey Agent #1, I want a new house but I don’t want anyone to know.”
Agent #1: “Let’s do it. I know this guy who has a super private house in a prime area.”
Agent #2: “Hello?”
Agent #1: “Hey Agent #2, this is Agent #1. Would you consider selling your investment place to Harry for a fat profit?”
Agent #2: “Yeah!”
Agent #1: “Well, Harry, here she blows.”
HS: “I love it! I’ll take it!”
And that, kids, is how easily the deal was done. At least in Yolanda’s messed-up mind.
In case you’re wondering, Mr. Fenton does appear to have made a lot of money on this sale. Records say he paid $4,850,000 for the house back in October 2014 before flipping it to our Mr. Styles just a little over a year later, at a $2 million markup.
By the way, all these “facts” we’ve presented to you are little more than circumstantial evidence. None of it proves that Mr. Styles actually purchased this house. But let Yolanda tell you that not only does she know that Mr. Styles bought this place, we also happen to know that he is currently living in his new house. And we also happen to know for a fact that he paid cold, hard cash. We’re not just merely “sure” that Mr. Styles bought this house. We’d stake our bedazzled life on it.
But we digress far too long! Let’s have a look at the pictures.
The house is one of the most private in all of the Sunset Strip. It sits up a winding driveway shared with three other houses. And it’s the only one of the four that also has its own private driveway gate to its decadently-long secondary driveway. Thanks to mature hedges and a large metal gate, the house is completely invisible even to its next door neighbors.
The three-story house sits on a .25-acre lot with a palm tree-lined motorcourt and two-car garage at the rear and the pool and three levels of entertainment decks around front.
While the tall hedges do block any views from the lagoon-style swimming pool, their function is absolutely necessary for a private guy like Mr. Styles.
Resort-style living out by the pool! There’s also a spacious balcony directly above, up on the second floor.
The second floor of the three-level residence features a large indoor/outdoor living room with silver travertine floors and staged-looking white furniture. The property has views stretching from the skyline of Downtown LA to the Pacific Ocean.
We can’t really tell, but the “gourmet kitchen” appears to have an unusual stone backsplash. This room has more silver traverting floors, granite countertops, and a spacious center work island. There ain’t really no formal dining room, but this house is clearly a bachelor pad so that’s okay.
No good bachelor pad is complete without a cozy home theater! And is that leopard-print carpet, or did Yolanda just imbibe too much too early today? (Hint: it’s the latter).
Not bad, eh? Nice rooftop deck off the master bedroom. That big building sticking up like a pudgy middle finger in the right photo is the legendary Sierra Towers condo complex.
The master bedroom is located on the third floor and has oak floors and a disappearing wall of glass that leads to the aforementioned deck with spectacular westward views.
Like the master bedroom, the master bath isn’t particularly big by conventional mansion standards but it is light-filled and has all the creature comforts one would expect: dual vanities, glass shower w/ rainfall showerhead, separate powder/makeup sitting area, and a soaking tub with a bit of a view.
This house also has one of the more unusual features we’ve ever seen in a Sunset Strip residence. Directly off the master suite, on a rear balcony, there’s a two-hole putting green. Yes, a putting green on the third floor. It sounds bizarrely pointless to your gurl but then we should probably applaud whoever installed this for their creativity.
In addition to the master suite, there are two other luxurious bedrooms for friends, staff, family, etc. While the master is located privately on the third floor, these two appear to be on the second. Somewhere in the 4,100-square-foot structure there’s also a private gym — we think it’s located on the third floor off the master — but we weren’t able to dig up any photos of that particular room.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles, y’all. We regret to inform you that Mr. Styles is not living with Mr. Tomlinson or anyone else at the moment — at least so it would seem.
By the way, should any of you crazy kiddies think it might be cute to roll over to the Sunset Strip and knock on Mr. Styles’ door in the hopes of proclaiming your everlasting love and boundless devotion, please get some sense. Not only is that a real damn stupid thing to do, you ain’t gonna be able to see Mr. Styles’ house at all. You’ll be greeted with towering hedges and a big ass gate and we’re sure there’s also a Fort Knox-level security system. Probably a force field too. It’ll zap your booty cheeks!
Just come over to Yolanda’s place and we’ll gladly slap you for free. Awww! What a great deal. Ain’t we a sweetie?