Geoff Palmer drops $12.5 million on the Carbon Beach house next door

Yolanda has just awoken from a relaxing summertime siesta and we are eager — nay, anxious — to catch up on the fast-paced real estate market of today. However, we are also majorly disappointed to hear that some rude dude named James is attempting to take credit for our fame and industry status. Listen buddy, back off. Seriously. We will sic our rabid fanbase on you. Just know that some young whippersnapper is not allowed to siphon off our shine, so don’t play with Yolanda.

Anyway, we can’t thank all of y’all enough for your support and we are endlessly humbled by the many kind messages we have received in recent days. We also know that some of you have questioned if Yolanda is real, and so we wanted to quickly address all the rumors right now, right here.

Yes, Virginia — Yolanda is real. And all you have to do to find her is look into your hearts, look deep into your souls. She’s there — in the quiet hour, in the stillness of solitude, in the corner of that windowpane in front of you. Look! Can’t you see? There she sits, barking at innocent passers-by, perpetually assessing real estate transactions and our city’s most outrageous deals — from Point Dume to Palm Desert.

But we digress.

Carbon Beach, Malibu

It’s sizzling hot today and thus we are headed out to one of the globe’s most expensive beaches — Malibu’s Carbon Beach, aka Billionaire’s Beach. This strip is the location for several of the largest sales ever recorded in LA County, like that recent record-shattering $110 million deal and the $85 million one before that. And so we know that some of y’all may think that homes along this stretch of sand are unobtainable for all but the world’s financial immortals.

In reality, however, those sales were anomalies. And there are still good deals to be had, even at today’s inflated price points. Take today’s property — a chic contemporary with nearly 40 feet of prime Carbon Beach ocean frontage. Put on the market this March (2018), the house took barely one month to find a new owner. And at “just” $12.5 million, it could be construed as a veritable value.

The buyer, records reveal, is Geoff Palmer. Long estimated to be one of LA’s wealthiest residents, Mr. Palmer is also almost certainly the most successful, most well-known, and most controversial Downtown LA real estate developer. The Los Angeles Business Journal estimates his net worth at a paltry $2.13 billion.

Geoff & Anne Palmer

Born and raised in LA, Mr. Palmer is the guy behind developments such as Medici, Orsini, Visconti, Piero, Da Vinci, and Lorenzo — all of them massive luxury apartment complexes situated in Downtown LA next to freeways. Though popular with young professionals and students, Mr. Palmer’s developments have been much-maligned in the press. The reasons for that can be traced to the buildings’ style — their faux-Italian Renaissance design is routinely derided by purist architecture snobs — and for their unwelcoming, fortress-like layouts.

With his current wife Anne, Mr. Palmer is a major Republican donor. According to several 2016 news stories, he was one of the biggest supporters — perhaps even the biggest in LA — of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

Anywho, the Palmers have long resided primarily in their longtime Beverly Hills home, which happens to be one of the largest and most lavish properties in the entire 90210. More on that a little later — first, his new vacation pad out in the 90265.

Originally built in 1976, the 2,705-square-foot contemporary has clearly been renovated in recent years in a clean-lined, inoffensive manner. Like most Carbon Beach homes, the structure sits hard up on traffic-jammed Pacific Coast Highway (the front door is only a few feet from the street, in fact).

Records indicate the house was last sold way back in 2002 for $6,900,000 to “Inspector Gadget” creator Andy Heyward and his then-wife Evelyn. But the Heywards eventually got a divorce, and the property was deeded over to the ex-Mrs. Heyward in 2009. It was she who sold the property to Mr. Palmer.

The home’s glassy front door opens to a fireplace-equipped living room with majestic views via a floor-to-ceiling glass wall of windows. Beyond that is a an outdoor terrace with an outdoor dining table and various lounge chairs. Also inside is a cozy formal dining room (the table can seat eight) and a kitchen with stainless appliances.

Upstairs are four bedrooms including the master, which features a sitting area, a widest fireplace, and a spa-like master bath with a built-in soaking tub and a glassy shower. Also off the master is a private outdoor deck with panoramic views stretching from Point Dume to the Palos Verdes Peninsula and Catalina Island.

This property is additionally situated on one of the more coveted sections of Carbon Beach — the beach here is deep and oh-so-sandy, and the house is desirably far from public access points.

Why is that latter point important? Well, all beaches in California are technically public, but folks who pay $12.5 million for an oceanfront house often tend to prefer that the hoi polloi stay away from “their” turf, “their” sand — laws be damned. Yolanda is not saying that’s right, but that’s the way it is. Thus the sand battle between Malibu residents and the general public is longtime and ongoing.

The Palmers’ $21+ million Malibu compound

Anyway, it’s not such a surprise that Mr. Palmer would buy this house — he has long owned the property next door, which is a cedar-sided 3,476-square-foot sort of thing that he bought back in 2004 for $8,850,000. Naturally Yolanda has nary an inkling about what he plans to do with his new two-structure, $20+ million compound, but we do know he now lays claim to 80 feet (or so) of prime ocean frontage in Malibu. And that’s a lot of land in this tightly-packed neighborhood, kids.

The baronial Palmer main residence, Beverly Hills

Since 2001, when he bought it for $21 million, Mr. Palmer’s main residence has been his epic north-of-Sunset Beverly Hills estate. According to previous reports, the historic French Regency-style property sprawls over approximately 3.12 acres and includes a 16,400-square-foot main house, two houses, a guard/gate house, an enormous reflecting pool, a regular pool with two inset spas, and bountiful formal lawns and gardens.

Yolanda would estimate that the Palmers’ Beverly Hills compound is worth well in excess of $50 million today — easily.

There are numerous reports that the Palmers also own another vacation home in the international resort destination of St. Tropeze, France — near where Mrs. Palmer was born — but Yolanda unfortunately has no further details on that place at this time.

Listing agent: Cooper Mount, The Agency
Geoff Palmer’s agent: Frederique Benhamou, Westside Estate Agency

8 Replies to “Geoff Palmer drops $12.5 million on the Carbon Beach house next door”

  1. The bitch is back!!!

    Yea baby!

  2. So happy you are back, nobody does it better…….xx

  3. Rabbi Hedda LaCasa says: Reply

    Welcome back, Yolanda, and I pray that you are well-rested. Of course you are real; there’s an email address with your name on it!

    Hedda

    Listen up koch leflach (cooking spoons)! Keep stirring and I will place the kabbalistic pulsa dinura, the dreaded lashes of fire curse, upon every one of you!

    The Rabbi

  4. The ‘Billionaires Beach’ name always struck me as a cheap marketing ploy to get the obscenely rich to buy on here, on a beach with no privacy, lots of traffic, noise, rowdy beachgoers.

    For the money Id much rather be in the Colony or Paradise Cove.

    1. Why not pick Les Parcs in Saint-Tropez? Malibu is awful. Never understood the appeal of it.

      1. Saint Tropez is great if you live in that part of the world. Most Americans, even the rich ones, don’t want the hassle of owning a house halfway across the world. Malibu has great weather and is convenient even if the beaches aren’t anything to brag about.

  5. Long live Yolanda! Did that shower of ***************** and ********* at the LA Times pursue Mr W? Are they about to run the real story of what happened at Nickelodeon? Vermin rag. They can recycle it until the end od time and i still wouldn’t wipe……

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