Yes, kiddies. We know. Y’all are rolling your eyes right now. But keep in mind that we didn’t want to write about the Kardashians either. This story just sorta fell in our lap and we thought what the hell. We don’t care for them at all, but they have loads of money and drive lots of clicks for some reason. And Yolanda’s Caddy needs an oil change, so shove it.
Whatever you think of them, nobody — and we mean nobody — has cashed in on their fame as well as the Kardashians. Certainly they were well-off before Kimmy’s infamous sex tape and the resulting reality show, but ten years later and here they are, still buzzing around like a fly you just can’t swat. And now richer than most A-list celebrities. And they’ve got the mansions and fleets of exotic cars to prove it. It’s all completely ridiculous but also sorta admirable in a weird way. Right?
But we’ll shut up now so we can get this over with.
Although the MLS listing bizarrely still shows “active”, Yolanda just happens to know that Kris Jenner — K-Klan matriarch and family manager — sold one of her several multi-million dollar residences just this week. The new owner is not famous at all — it’s a local medical doctor and her hubby — but she’ll be moving into The Oaks, a guard-gated community that is chock-full of sports stars and the Jacksons, not to mention Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
This particular house was purchased by Kris Jenner just over a year ago, back in February 2016, and was ostensibly for the use of her ne’er-do-well son and sometimes sock entrepreneur Rob Kardashian. If any of y’all recall (hopefully not), Mama Kris and several of her spawn had a vehement, expletive-laden (and possibly staged) televised disagreement over the fact that she bought her adult son this house. Perhaps that’s the reason for the quick sale; perhaps not.
Now, kiddies, y’all should already know that Calabasas is not really Yolanda’s cup of tea. It’s a big, bad, hot, scary world out there in the San Fernando Valley and Calabasas is arguably the most cookie-cutter city in the area. But this house — mcmansion though it may be — isn’t so awful, really. Built in 2005, the non-gated Traditional sports tacky faux marble columns out front and a two-car garage at the end of the long driveway.
The unstaged interiors make it clear that none of the many Kardashians or their assorted hangers-on are currently living in this house. A booty-busting array of steps leads to the upstairs with its four bedrooms, each with their own en-suite bathroom. The front door opens (rather rudely, it must be said) directly into the fireplace-equipped living room. Glossy medium-brown hardwood floors continue throughout most of the downstairs.
It does not appear that Ms. Jenner and/or her son made many alterations to the house during their ownership, as the place still sports the same beige walls, the same beige countertops, and the same medium-grade stainless steel appliances as it did back in early 2016, at the time of their acquisition. We do know that the downstairs also has a library/study, multiple sets of French doors that lead to various patios and terraces, and a room with an icky-and-sticky-lookin’ black floor that apparently functions as a home gym. Yolanda doubts that was ever used during Mr. Kardashian’s residence here, but we digress.
Upstairs, the bedrooms are equipped with carpet floors. The master bathroom has dual vanities and a built-in soaking tub inconveniently situated smack-dab in the middle of the room. There’s also a smallish walk-in closet and a sauna-like step-in shower.
The backyard is rather more petite than one might expect, but it is generously equipped with a saltwater pool, spa, firepit, and a full outdoor grill/BBQ station.
Yolanda happens to know the agreed-upon sales price for this house was $2,440,000, which is $155,000 more than the $2,285,000 that Kris Jenner paid just over a year ago. Keep in mind, however, that most of this profit evaporates quickly when you take into consideration annoying little things like taxes, closing costs, and real estate broker fees. We’d doubt ol’ mama Jenner got more out of this sale than enough cash to put some new shoes on her Rolls-Royce Dawn.
But we digress. Property records reveal the Kardashian-Jenner family presides over a mind-boggling real estate portfolio, the majority of which are homes located in the Calabasas/Hidden Hills area. In addition to the Calabasas home she just sold, Kris Jenner still owns another house in the same gated community that is currently listed with a $3,300,000 pricetag. Then there’s a luxury condo in the Wilshire Corridor area that she scooped up in 2015 for $1,655,000. And her main residence is a big-ass Hidden Hills mansion that was purchased back in 2010 for $4,000,000, has been extensively remodeled and has probably doubled in value over the past seven years.
As for her kids, Kim Kardashian and her hubby Kanye West own a two-parcel compound in Hidden Hills that they bought back in 2014 for a combined $22,725,000 and have spent many millions of dollars remodeling and a Bel Air house for which they paid $9,000,000 and also completely rebuilt. Kourtney Kardashian has a $7,450,000 house in the Oaks that she bought from Keyshawn Johnson; Khloe’s got a $7,200,000 home on the same street that she scooped up from the Biebs. Kendall paid $6,500,000 for the Hollywood Hills house of Emily Blunt and John Krascinski. Kylie — who seems to be one of the richest K-Klan members despite her youth — has three properties in Hidden Hills: a $4,500,000 one, a $6,025,000 one, and a $12,050,000 mega-mansion. Caitlyn has been ostracized from the fam but spends her days in a $3,575,000 hilltop Malibu home.
We’re not sure where Rob — the lone male left in the family, it seems — currently resides. Nor do we much care. But if someone held a gun to Yolanda’s head, we might guess that he’s shackin’ up with his on-off ex-stripped gal-pal Black China in a rented Tarzana residence. Or maybe he’s squattin’ in one of Kylie’s unused homes. Or maybe Mama Kris is buying him a bigger and better house? Whatever the case, it will be televised and will involve tears and and a healthy helping of profanity.