Update: Yolanda has received a message from Mr. Chesney’s publicist who was appreciably friendly but adamant that Mr. Chesney has not purchased a new Malibu residence. So there you have it, folks. Mr. Chesney’s team say it ain’t so, so it ain’t so.
Over the weekend, Yolanda received a message from an infallible real estate insider source who we’ll call Malibu Gretchen (because his hair is big and full of secrets, duh). Yolanda and Mr. Gretchen spent a few minutes shooting the chilly ocean breeze until Mr. Gretchen asked us why we had not yet discussed Kenny Chesney’s Malibu house.
Confused, Yolanda told Mr. Gretchen what any No Shoes Nation citizen worth her mettle already knows, that Mr. Chesney has not owned a house in Malibu since 2009, when he sold an ocean-view house in the hills directly above Carbon Beach after only a year of ownership.
No, you big silly, said Mr. Gretchen. Not that old house — his new one in Malibu Cove Colony!
Well! Color Yolanda bamboozled because although we like to think we stay abreast of these things, we had no idea that Mr. Chesney had purchased a house in the guard-gated Malibu Cove Colony community. But we knew better than to question Mr. Gretchen’s expertise on the subject at hand.
Keep in mind, kiddies, that Yolanda cannot positively prove that Mr. Chesney owns this particular house, the one fingered by Mr. Gretchen. But it’s worth noting that the property was silently sold nearly a year ago to a mysterious corporation that happens to link directly back to a small house in South Carolina. Thanks to an assist by our Romanian pal Vlad the Revealer at Celebrity Address Aerial, we’ve discovered that the South Carolina property just happens to be owned by Mr. Chesney’s longtime accountant.
It’s also worth noting that Mr. Chesney has been papped in the Malibu area several times in the past year. And he recently released a duet with California native Pink, in which he extolls the virtues of LA love (and getting drunk on La Cienega!)
For those who don’t know, Mr. Chesney has been writing and performing country music for more than two decades. He has released 20 albums, sold tens of millions of records worldwide, and has won a whole bunch of country awards, too. However, our boy is perhaps best-known as a touring act. According to this 2014 article, Mr. Chesney has hauled in a rather astounding $750 million in touring revenue alone since 1995. Golly gee willikers! That’s a lot of money! Some believe Mr. Chesney’s net worth may top $225 million. His most recent annual earnings clocked in at $56 million, per Forbes.
And yes, some of his sold-out stadium events can get a wee bit rowdy.
Unfortunately, kiddies, Mr. Chesney has also endured his fair share of controversy. The most recent example — and definitely the most inadvertently hilarious — stemmed from his facial expression at last year’s Country Music Awards. Specifically, his lack of facial expression. You see, while everyone around him was movin’ and groovin’ and showing deference to the omnipotent Beyonce Knowles and her performance, the TV camera showed Mr. Chesney sitting there stone-faced with an icy glare in his eyes.
Or something like that.
In any case, Mr. Chesney’s expression was enough to get Beyonce’s scores of rabid fans all riled up. The Beyhive, you see, is downright vicious. They’ll cut a beotch for battin’ a sassy eyelash at their queen. So they girded their loins, sharpened their stingers, and savagely decimated poor Mr. Chesney’s Instagram with thousands of rude comments.
Mr. Chesney was forced to recant his heathen ways and proclaim his undying devotion to Beysus.
Those with elephantine memories may recall that Mr. Chesney was married about a million years ago to lady-of-many-faces Renee Zellweger. The lady divorced him after about 3.64 seconds of marriage. But the really titillating part, however, was that Ms. Zellweger did not cite the de facto “Irreconcilable Differences” on her divorce filing. Oh no. She cited “Fraud”, a choice that has never been fully explained to Yolanda’s snoopy satisfaction and about which both Ms. Zellweger and Mr. Chesney have remained tight-lipped.
Now then, please don’t confuse Malibu Cove Colony with Malibu Colony. Despite the annoyingly similar names, they are two distintly different oceanfront guard-gated communities in Malibu. The latter is larger, more famous, more star-studded, more historic, and decidedly more expensive.
Malibu Cove Colony, however, is a lesser-known enclave of about 50 or 60 homes (all of them oceanfront). The lots were developed in the mid-to-late 1950s, although most of the homes have been remodeled, expanded, or torn down and rebuilt since that time. Homes here also tend to be smaller and much less pricey than those in Malibu Colony, where an oceanfront “starter” house can easily set you back $10 million. In M.C.C., they start at less than $5 million!
Take a look at Mr. Chesney’s new oceanfront home, which spans a modest 1,940-square-feet, perfect for a bachelor such as himself. He paid an easy $5,200,000 for it this past March (2016).
The house was originally constructed in 1957 but was remodeled sometime within the past decade by the previous (non-celebrity) owners. They added the smoked-glass door on the two-car garage and the foliage out front for maximum privacy. Perfect for a celeb like Mr. Chesney. Even in an expensive gated community, the neighbors can be snoopy.
A courtyard gate leads to what is probably the oceanfront pad’s coolest feature (besides the views), a tree-shaded courtyard with an outdoor dining table and sitting area.
The front door ushers y’all in to a open-concept kitchen/dining/living/family room area with walls of glass to take in spectacular views of the Pacific. We like the setup but we’re not sure if we love the orange-y hue of the hardwood floors. Rather reminds us of President-elect Donald Trump’s skintone. But we digress yet again.
The renovated kitchen area has a center island and medium-grade appliances. Almost looks like those countertops are linoleum.
There are just two bedrooms, neither of which appears to be a suite. One bedroom has ocean views but the larger one, rather bizarrely, actually faces the front courtyard. Both sport four-post beds, which Yolanda thinks look a bit hokey in a beach house. But that’s just us.
On the left, one of the home’s three very ordinary-looking bathrooms. A steep wooden staircase leads under the house (it’s up on stilts, natch) and to the sand. At high tide, the water can rush all the way under the property and up to the bottom stairs. Watch your step, Mr. Chesney.
The real reason for the $5.2 million pricetag are the views and surf access, of course. And the views really are magnificent, stretching all the way from Point Dume way down to the Palos Verdes Peninsula.
Malibu Cove Colony doesn’t have nearly as many celebrity residents as the pricier and more exclusive Malibu Colony to the southeast, but it does have a small handful of notable homeowners. These include Halle Berry, former late-night talk show host Craig Ferguson (he’s been trying to sell his house for over a year), and Kenny G‘s ex-wife Lyndie Benson (she recently rented her house to washed-up boy-bander Nick Carter, who allegedly partied like it was still 1999 and trashed the joint).
Anywho — Mr. Chesney is really rich, so it’s no surprise that he’s got quite the real estate portfolio. His main residence is a huge and rather fabulous Franklin (Tennessee) mansion for which he paid $9,250,000 back in late 2009. He is also believed to own property in the U.S. Virgin Islands and on the Canandaiga Lake (New York). Sadly, Yolanda ain’t know much about his residences in either of those locales.
As previously mentioned, Mr. Chesney also once owned another house in Malibu. He bought the Carbon Mesa Road property for $7,400,000 in February 2007 and sold it barely a year later, in April 2008 for a profit-generating $8,500,000. The buyers — who remain the current owners — were Steve & Paula Mae Schwartz, the founders of a Massachusetts-based PR agency.
Now listen up, Mr. Chesney. Yolanda has got to straighten you out about one thing.
Be very afraid, Mr. Chesney. The only reason why Beysus hasn’t taken over country music is because she doesn’t find it necessary to bless states like Nebraska, Kentucky, Tennessee and South Dakota with her presence. Best believe she’ll be bored one day and decide to record a country album, though. It’ll probably inspire all her wannabe copycats who will try to emulate her yet again. Unfortunately, they’ll still flop just like last time. LOL!
Mr. Chesney, it’s not Beyonce’s fault that her competitors don’t shine. But it is Beyonce’s fault that she shines brighter. There’s only one Queen Bey. This ain’t no corny jingle-jangle from some lame car commercial. This is Beyonce Knowles. And Mr. Chesney, you are allowed to blame her because, like Yolanda says, it’s her fault she shines brighter.