Rent Shaun White’s chill Point Dume pad

Summer 2016 is long gone. With it went peak beach vacay season. RIP.

But don’t despair. There are still plenty of ways for y’all to squander tens of thousands of bucks. There are several high-priced Malibu rentals still available for your consumption. And right now, when the weather is still gorgeous and beaches less crowded, it just might be the perfect time to splurge on that getaway you’ve always wanted. Or, if you’re a baller, perhaps the annual R&R trip you somehow missed out on this summer.

For just $65,000 per month, snowboarder/skateboarder/musician/clothing designer/event promoter/Olympic gold medalist and all-around successful athlete and entrepreneur Shaun White will give you the keys to his blufftop Malibu shack. So what does paying the price of a new E-Class  get you per month? Well, Yolanda will tell you. But first, let’s get the big brown elephant in the room out of the way.

Recently, Mr. White’s name has been in the news. Yes, kiddies, he was slapped with a lawsuit from a (female) former member of his band. Ms. Former Member alleged graphic sexual harassment, including that Mr. White sent her explicit text messages, naked Johnson pictures, and forced her to watch pornographic videos — several of them featuring fecal matter. Yes, fecal matter. We apologize and sincerely hope you aren’t enjoying a meal or snack at this moment.

To his credit, Mr. White came clean (or dirty or whatever) and admitted he sent those texts.

Now then. In her 98 years of life, Yolanda has seen and heard of many strange sexual inclinations. That’s perfectly fine. Hey, it’s a free country. We don’t judge on what y’all like to do in the privacy of your own homes. And it ain’t none of our business anyway.

But seriously, Mr. White? A poopoo fetish? Come on now, baby. That’s just nasty!

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For all his frat boy rowdiness (he was also once arrested for acting a drunken fool), the Bentley-driving Mr. White — previously best-known as The Flying Tomato for his (formerly) long red locks and his death-defying stunts — has got some very serious coin. Though only 30 years old, he’s had a successful clothing line (sold in Target and Macy’s) for a decade. Factor in his lucrative sponsorship deals (Oakley and more) plus his purse wins at sporting competitions (he holds the X-games gold medal record), and you realize that Mr. White is sick-rich young whippersnapper.

Our boy also owns a portfolio of very expensive luxury residences, the priciest of which is this Malibu house you see in photos below. It cost him $8,940,000 back in 2013. That’s a lot of moolah even to most millionaires, but all the more so for a 27-year-old guy.

Mr. White bought the house from “Bachelor” creator Mike Fleiss, who is apparently a bit of a royal douche canoe as well. (Just if you were to ask us, we’d tell you that Mr. Fleiss should be locked up for life without parole for unleashing that Bachelor hot mess on our fair country. But that’s neither here nor there, is it? We digress.)

At a meager 2,625 square feet, the abode won’t win any gold medals at the real estate size queen awards. But really, it’s got all the space a vacationer could need. The best part, however, is that the blufftop spread sits on 1.03 acres. A lotta space, a lotta breathing room.

A pavestone driveway leads past a driveway gate and winds around, down to a one-car garage and a massive skate ramp.

Listing information makes to a point to say “**NOT INCLUDED: SKATE RAMP**”. Apparently Mr. White takes his skateboarding seriously and has no plans to share with riff-raff who may rent his home. So hands off the ramp or he’ll give you a lot of crap. (Probably literally.)

The private front yard is big enough to accommodate a good-sized wedding, really. In addition to the grassy areas there are several lounge chairs, a circular stone firepit thingy, a BBQ and a stone terrace with wooden dining table and chairs.

Wooden double front doors lead to an unexpectedly voluminous entrance foyer that links seamlessly with the semi-formal dining area and step-down living room that cozies up to the spectacular white water ocean views beyond.

Wide-plank chocolate-colored wood floors continue into the dining and kitchen areas. In the former, a simple unvarnished dining table gives off a pleasingly beachy vibe. The fully-updated kitchen has a whitewashed ceiling and a center island with bar seating and a trendy black-and-white paint scheme.

And check out the juxtaposition of that vintage stove/range and the ultra-modern glass-fronted refrigerator. Somehow the old-meets-new vibe works, at least for Yolanda. (BTW, we wouldn’t be surprised in the least if that stove actually costs more than the fridge.)

The master suite is termed an “owner’s suite” in marketing materials, perhaps because it’s a bit cozier than most master suites out there today. Anyway, it’s detached from the rest of the house (unusual, that) and has got walls of glass with picture-perfect ocean views, a private deck entrance, and a “spa-like” bathroom. No sign of a toilet, but the listing assures us it’s there. Possibly it’s never been used. Good for the future renter!

Speaking of that outdoor deck, it’s perfectly private (great for getting tan everywhere) but rather frighteningly appears to drop off right into the sea.

The picture on the left shows one of the apparently-not-so-modest house’s two family rooms. To the left, to the left is the other (larger) family room. It’s got a sectional white leather (or leatherette) sofa that distresses Yolanda to no end. We’re not entirely sure why it gives us the creeps, it just does.

In addition to the owner’s suite, there are two more cozy bedrooms. One is stuffed with two bunk beds. To our knowledge, Mr. White does not have kids, so we wonder who those are for, hmmm? Elaborate staging? Maybe he’s trying to get Angelina to rent this place? Good gracious!

The “deck to nowhere” we previously mentioned actually leads to a jacuzzi overlooking always-busy Westward Beach.

Birdview Avenue — the street where Mr. White’s house sits — has long been considered to be one of the best Point Dume roads (if not the best) and as such it’s very popular with a wide range of celebrities and assorted moguls. Current residents include Bob Dylan, Owen Wilson, Anthony Hopkins, billionaire Wayne Hughes Jr., businessman Yife Tien, businesswoman Mary Gerdts, heiress Julia Lebedev, and Bryan Singer (who recently leased his house to Angelina Jolie).

In addition to his for-rent home in Malibu, Mr. White lays claim to a tract house in Carlsbad (CA), near San Diego; a spacious condo in the pricey resort town of Park City (UT), and a multi-million dollar beach house in Encinitas (CA).

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Mr. White’s $4 million Encinitas house

However, Mr. White’s main residence is actually located way up in the Hollywood Hills, in the celeb-studded Outpost Estates neighborhood. Our boy paid a big-time $6,400,000 for the spec-built contemporary last year (2015). Some of his nearest neighbors include DJ Zedd, Felicity Huffman, Johnny Galecki, and One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson.

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Mr. White’s $6.4 million main residence in the Hollywood Hills

Not that we mean too get down into the gutter (too late), but we should also mention that Mr. White’s Outpost Estates house has an unusual floorplan in which the master bathroom — tub and shower and all — is plainly visible from the bed. There’s no door, no curtain, no nada.

Is that sexy, or what?

Listing agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker

 

 

 

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