Trent Reznor finally unloads his Malibu crash pad

It took a long, long time, but now it finally happened. You may recall a couple months ago, when Yolanda was discussing the I-am-very-rich-bitch Mr. Trent Reznor’s new $17 million pad in Mandeville Canyon, we mentioned that he also owned an ocean view house just above Malibu’s coveted Point Dume area that he was having a real devil of a time unloading.

Mr. Reznor paid $4,250,000 in 2011 for the 5,941 square foot single-story contemporary on 2.16 acres in 2011. He then gave the property a comprehensive modern overhaul similar to what he did to his Beverly Hills Post Office house.

Mr. Reznor, who welcomed a third child with his Filipina wife Mariqueen Maandig a few months ago (belated congrats!) put the property up for sale in August 2015 with a (very) optimistic $7,250,000 pricetag.

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At the time Mr. Reznor listed this house for sale, several media outlets erroneously reported the property was owned by fellow musician Jakob Dylan. We’re not entirely sure what caused all the confusion, but Yolanda does know for a fact that Mr. Reznor was the real seller in this case.

But back to the house. Alas, with no takers, the ask was slashed multiple times. Finally, this May (2016), Mr. Reznor unloaded the place for just $5,550,000. That’s still a lot of money, of course. And it’s $1.3 million more than he paid five years ago. But if you take into account the heft renovation costs (this ain’t look like no cheap cosmetic touch-up) and the fact that prices in LA have skyrocketed since 2011, it doesn’t appear that Mr. Reznor did too well on this sale.

Not that it matters, because homeboy is clearly richer than most everyone in the entertainment industry whose name ain’t Beyonce, Jay-Z, Taylor Swift, or David Geffen.

But does Yolanda have influence or what? We said in April that Mr. Reznor was desperate to unload this place and would take a big discount off the then-ask of $5,950,000. And look what happens! Just a few weeks later, the place sells for another $400k off! You go, gurl!

Alright, alright, we’ll shut up now. Let’s take a look at the house.

Though the house is not oceanfront (it’s not even in Point Dume), it’s got a negative-edge swimming-slash-wading pool with a sea backdrop.

The sensuously and unusually curved combo dining room/living room has concrete floors, a Prince-approved purple wall and a grand piano that allows the player to look directly out the massive glass-paned windows, over Point Dume, and to the clear ocean view beyond.

Perfect for Yolanda’s weekly tanning sessions. The kitchen, while a bit too stark for Yolanda’s particular tastes, certainly makes a statement with its sleek blackened cabinets, chunky white marble (?) countertops, and top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances.

There’s also a media room with a projection screen that disappears back into the ceiling with a push of a button. The master bedroom is done-done-done up but good with dark wood floors, a fireplace, and a sitting area.

The austere master bath sports a rectangular soaking tub and a glass-enclosed shower with rainfall showerhead plus a couple more nozzles. Outside, Mr. Reznor had built a very deluxe and no-doubt expensive children’s play area that Yolanda would have loved to have had as a young gal.

The house is all-but-invisible from the street thanks to a driveway gate and tall privet hedges around the rest of the property. The front-facing three-car garage and concrete-slabbed-and-stone-stacked exterior aren’t really to Yolanda’s taste — we feel it’s a wee bit dated-looking — but clearly someone (finally) liked it.

Okay, so by now you’re probably wondering who bought Mr. Reznor’s Malibu house. Well, property records reveal the new owner is a lady named Jill Black or Jill Black Zalben, if you prefer. You may have never heard of Ms. Black, but trust Yolanda when she tells you that the lady is quite wealthy.

Ms. Black is a daughter of Stanley Black, a billionaire or near-billionaire Beverly Hills real estate investor who has lived in this city since the dawn of time (or sometime close to it).

Mr. Black, now in his mid-80s and a widower, occupies a nearly 10,000 square foot mansion on Sunset Boulevard that he and his late wife Joyce purchased way back in 1983 for $2,550,000.

$2.5 million bucks may seem like nothing today, but trust Yolanda when she tells you that was major moolah to drop on a house way back then. Though the property straddles the border of Beverly Hills, the house is actually on the Holmby Hills side, which means it is technically in the city of Los Angeles.

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Yolanda can personally guarantee that if you’ve ever driven this stretch of Sunset, you’ve noticed Mr. Black’s property. Not for the house (it’s not visible from the street) but for the rather creepy assorted dolls, figurines, and Seward Johnson statues that are always sitting —  or running, walking, or waving American flags — in his front yard. They’ve been there since he bought the place in the early ’80s.

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Mr. Black must have a shed full of those things, right? Don’t the ones out front get stolen all the time?

Before we go, Mr. Reznor and Ms. Maandig have moved into or are about to move into their big new Mandeville Canyon mansion, which they purchased from comedy film director/producer Sean Levy last year (2015) for $16,650,000 in an off-market deal.

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Mr. Reznor — now an Oscar-winning composer of very lucrative films — also, as previously mentioned, still owns a house up in Beverly Hills (Post Office) that he paid $4,187,500 for in 2007, extensively remodeled, and put up for sale last April (2015) for $4,495,000. The property was removed from the market a month later.

If Yolanda were a bettin’ gal, she’d wager that Mr. Reznor’s B.H.P.O. house will soon be available for sale or lease again. We shall see.

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But as to the real burning question that’s on everyone’s mind — will Ms. Black take some of her father’s statues/dolls and install them on her new Malibu property? Again, y’all — we shall see.

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