Save your donations, Jordana Brewster is no longer homeless

Yolanda always enjoys getting messages from folks with insider dirt, no matter how mundane it may seem. As this blog grows older, the messages have become slightly more frequent and far more –ahem– colorful.

Case in point: last week we received an email from a chick who we’re gonna call Mandy. Our gurl Mandy lives in Mandeville Canyon, a bucolic and low-key (but decidedly wealthy) semi-rural neighborhood tucked into the mountains just north of where Brentwood and Pacific Palisades converge.

Now Mandy, gurl, you know Yolanda has lots of love for you. But it was an early, bleary-eyed morning when we opened your message, we hadn’t had our daily Starbucks yet, and so we most definitely were not prepared for the histrionics within. The screaming. The shouting. We’re talking about TYPING LIKE THIS.

We don’t know if Mandy’s caps lock key was broken, on strike, or just out filing a restraining order against her. Goodness gracious! Oy vey.

What’s really going on, hun? We don’t know if you’re angry, excited, or just in awe that the iconic Jordana Brewster (no relation to those legendary Brewster sisters, unfotunately) would deign to be your new neighbor. But whatever the case, that’s just straight-up keyboard abuse. Yolanda ain’t gonna stand for that. Matter of fact, we nearly deleted your message until we noticed the house photo up top and Ms. Brewster’s name buried within.

It’s the one and only Mandeville Canyon.

But we digress. What Yolanda is about to discuss is a sensitive issue that has been weighing heavily on many folks’ hearts, and thus we want to approach it with grace, care, and tenderness. Let us set y’all at ease. Your gurl Jordana Brewster has a roof of her very own over her head. Finally. Dry your tears, loose the sacrificial goat, and quit buying tickets to see nineteen different showings of Fast & Furious Part 8367  in the theater. Ms. Brewster no longer requires your contributions.

Now then, we’re gonna let Mandy’s words, as given to us in her email, guide the rest of this post. We’ll decipher what she’s attempting to communicate along the way.

Mandy: “JORDANA BREWSTER IS MY NEW NEIGHBOR WHO BOUGHT THIS HOUSE @ [address redacted] SADLY A BUILDER HAD DESTROYED THE OLD HOUSE”

Actually, most of this is true. Ms. Brewster does have a new house in Mandeville Canyon. But, Mandy, Ms. Brewster did not buy said new house. Ms. Brewster built that new house!

That’s right, chica. You may not have been aware of it since the sale was totally off-market, but if you followed Your Mama over at Variety, you would know. The super svelte Ms. Brewster paid a hardcore $4,640,000 for the ranch style abode in February 2014 and almost immediately immediately took a wrecking ball to the structure.

Mandy: “AN OLD LADY HAD LIVED THERE FOREVER BUT I [heard] SHE DIED A FEW YEARS AGO.”

The little old lady was an artist named Barbara Levee Poe, the first wife of influential (and Oscar-winning) Hollywood screenwriter James Poe. The couple bought this house sometime in the early 1940s. Following their 1963 divorce, Mr. Poe moved on out but hia ex-missus remained there until her death 50 years later.

Property records indicate the structure was built in 1937, so we figure the house likely had but two owners during its 77 year lifespan, before Ms. Brewster mowed it down.

There’s the house as it looked when Ms. Poe passed. Cute, right? Looks like a perfect granny house. Actually, it sorta reminds Yolanda of her own granny’s (may she RIP) cute cottage. Aww. We miss you!

Mandy: “THE HOUSE LOOKS SMALL BUT ITS ACTUALLY A MANSION.”

Well, we don’t know about a mansion, gurl — Yolanda would call it more of a large, single-story contemporary rancher or modern Traditional — but it is a big house. We’re not certain of the exact specifications, but it’s definitely larger than the residence it replaced. And that one sported a generous 5,285 square feet of living space with 6 bedrooms and bathrooms.

Here’s a look at the property during construction. It’s a low-key sprawler for sure — that’s just the type of magic a big, flat .95-acre lot provides.

Mandy: “THEY ARE STILL FIXING THE LANDSCAPING BUT HAVE MOVED IN AND WAVED TO ALL THE NEIGHBORS.”

Well, we can’t speak to Ms. Brewster’s friendliness or proclivity to wave. But since Ms. Brewster (and her producer husband Andrew Form and their son) sold their last home back in early 2014, we assume they’ve been renting somewhere nearby the construction zone. Anyone wanna give Yolanda a heads-up?

“We got that real big money.”

Mandy: “SHES GOT THE NEW RANGE [Rover] AND THE TESSLA [sic] TO [sic].”

Yolanda thinks the point of this mangled sentence was to reinforce the presumption that Ms. Brewster is a rich-ass lady, just in case a $4.6 million teardown and the mega-bucks needed to construct a new luxury residence from scratch didn’t convince you of that already.

Or maybe the point was to validate that Ms. Brewster is not and will never be a Porsche owner? Oh dear! We only joke, y’all.

Mandy: “FOR SOME REASON SHE HAS NOT INVITED ME OVER FOR THAT CUP OF TEA YET.”

Gurl, we really can’t possibly imagine why.

(Okay, we made up that last Mandy statement. But we’re sure she wouldn’t mind Ms. Brewster inviting her over for that cup of tea. We only pray it’s decaf!)

By the by, In case you think Yolanda is bullying lil’ Mandy, rest assured we informed her we’d be joking around up in here a bit about her today. She said “GO FOR IT”. You see? Mandy’s a cool chick. Anyone who spends more than 30 seconds reading this mess of a blog is pretty cool, in our opinion.

But Mandy, gurl, pop a Prozac right quick and give your keyboard some relief. Poor thing must have strep from all that shouting, right? And to Ms. Brewster & Mr. Form — Mazel Tov on the new Mandy Canyon crib from your favorite neighborhood real estate yenta.

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