Last October, celebrity gossip juggernaut TMZ reported that newly-divorced celebrity chef, author, and Tinseltown scion Giada de Laurentiis was fixin’ to drop six million clams on a Spanish-style bachelorette pad in the quietly swanky and celebrity-popular “Riviera” neighborhood of Pacific Palisades. And maybe she was. We think she was. Online listings show that particular house was indeed in escrow in October. But then something happened. We’re not exactly sure what that something was but Yolanda suspects that Miz de Laurentiis decided to drop that turkey like she dumped her ex-hubby because the escrow was cancelled and the sellers almost immediately reduced their asking price for the property. (For those who might be interested, that particular house eventually sold in early February for $5,850,000 to a not-famous couple).
So where did Miss de Laurentiis go? Well, Yolanda happens to know that our homegurl quickly ditched the Riviera ‘hood and decided to get her groove on. That’s right y’all, your gurl – who’s oft-rumored to be cookin’ up more than just pasta with fellow celeb chef Bobby Flay but currently dates marketing guru Shane Farley – dropped an eyebrow-raising $6,900,000 on a flashy and dare-we-say flamboyant residence in the Bluffs area of Pacific Palisades. To be honest, we happen to think the thing looks like something better suited to some new-money folks like Justin Bieber or one of those many tragic rap fools who roll Ferraris and G-Wagens but can’t pay their damn rent (we’re looking at you, Tigger).
We’re not sure what caused Little Big Head to do such an abrupt 180 from the purrs-money Riviera house to this place, which practically screams “I’m rich, bitch!”, but we’re feelin’ it none the less. Just ’cause Miss de Laurentiis is a mom in her mid-40s doesn’t mean she can’t live as modern and glossily as she pleases. We just didn’t suspect she would go for this sort of place, that’s all. But in hindsight, maybe we shouldn’t have been so surprised – she used to live in a similarly-modern place until her divorce (more on that below).
The house is three panty-dropping (apron-dropping? apron-raising?) levels. Despite being sited on a smallish 7,500-square-foot lot, the structure packs in 6,300 square feet of living space plus the 800-sq-ft garage which easily accommodates four luxury vehicles.
A dramatic staircase on one side and a petite living room on the other greet visitors. The white oak flooring and white ceilings & walls with lots of little florescent lights continues through most of the home.
Okay, now Yolanda sees why GDL copped this crib. Open the front door and bam. “Here’s how I made all my millions, ho’s!” Appropriately, the listing says this is a “Chef’s kitchen” and as such comes equipped with a massive 25-foot center island, Caesar stone countertops, and hideously expensive Sub Zero & Wolf appliances.
The completely open floor plan means the kitchen opens directly to the living, dining, and backyard areas. Through the massive and massively dramatic wall of glass lies a sleek infinity-edged plunge pool.
The backyard is not very big. It’s rather small, actually. Nonetheless, it manages to pack in a dog-run-sized swath of unnaturally-green grass and one of those new-fangled outdoor showers to wash the pooch down.
The third-level master suite has another gigantic wall of glass with views over the nearby canyon to the Alma Real ridge across the way. The master bath has an exhibitionist’s bathtub and is generously slathered in marble galore.
The master suite also sports a cavernous closet perfect for your household shoe queen plus a huge balcony perfect with sweeping if not exactly thrilling views across the neighboring canyon.
The house also contains another four bedrooms and 5.5 baths. There’s one of the bathrooms right above. (Where the heck is the damn mirror?) There’s also an office overlooking the front entryway.
In addition to the previously-mentioned 800-square-foot garage, the lower basement level also contains an extensive recreation area complete with a ping pong table, gigantic projection screen, lots of lounge chairs and couches, and a huge wet bar with a dramatic see-through wine closet. Remember that Ms. GDL isn’t a regular mom, she’s a cool mom. Right? Right.
Oh hell yes, beotches. Yolanda can get down with this booze lover’s dream in the lower level. We’re not sure if having a wet bar and a (hopefully locked) wine fridge right around the corner from the games area and the garage is such a smart idea, but Yolanda can hold her liquor and despite her petite size, suspects the Italian Ms. de Laurentiis can too.
The basement level also comes equipped with a smallish gym/massage room. If you leave the door open, you can stare out at your Ferrari while you’re workin’ up a sweat. We’re guessing that’s supposed to be motivation? “Maybe if I lose a couple more inches off my fat ass I can finally squeeze into that damn sport seat”? Huh. Not that GDL has to worry about such things…
Did Yolanda mention the house is also magic? It transforms a fire-breathing Porsche 911 Turbo into a enviro-friendly Tesla in just one night. Maybe GDL can ring Al Gore if she’s looking to flip. Hallelujah!
Despite the bigger house and the higher pricetag, this particular Pac Pal hood – it’s known as the “Bluffs” – isn’t anywhere near as celeb-stocked as the Riviera nabe a bit further east. We also think the amount Ms. de Laurentiis paid – $6.9 million – makes it one of the most expensive sales ever in the Bluffs. But who cares. After looking through the pics, this might be the perfect modern showpiece for the very modern mom. After all, the gurl’s got a TV show, her own successful restaurant, books, and a line of kitchen utensils and such for Target. Plus she clearly likes the ‘hood. Until her divorce, after which her ex was awarded the home, she co-owned another modern property just a few blocks away with her husband, Todd Thomas.