Louis Tomlinson Buys a $10 Million Calabasas crib for his baby mama

EDIT again (9/16/16): Some fans think we’re crazy but though we briefly amended this post earlier (and received quite a bit of flak for doing so), we just got off the phone with Mr. Deep Throat who refused to budge and was absolutely adamant that this is Mr. Tomlinson’s estate and NOT Liam Payne’s. “Poppycock!” he said when we told him how many, many Directioners have been saying we were wrong (okay, he didn’t actually use that exact word). We know Mr. Deep Throat and he is not the type of person who tells lies. So we’re editing this post back to its original form. Hate as you please, but Yolanda’s had enough for tonight. We’ll be at the nearest alcohol-serving establishment, thankyouverymuch.

A few months ago, some of those oft-entertaining UK-based tabloids reported that some fella named Louis Tomlinson was buying a $10 million house to house his baby mama, some chick named Briana Jungwirth from Calabasas, CA. We skimmed the story and scoffed to ourselves. “Who the hell is Louis Tomlinson?” “Bitch please, that fool can’t afford a $10 million house.” “Who the hell would buy a $10M house for a chick they weren’t even married to?”

Turns out that Mr. Tomlinson is, as most of you already know, a member of the British boyband One Direction, a band formed by none other than Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls fame. The more you know…. Anyway, Forbes estimated that the group raked in a total of $205 million from June 2013 to June 2015. That’s right, beotches. One Direction, the group with those (admittedly catchy) bubblegum pop ditties, raked in over $200 million in just two years. Once Yolanda had finished picking her jaw off the floor, she called all her gurls to see if any of them knew what was what with Mr. Tomlinson’s real estate tale.

Before Yolanda gets to the meat of this particular anecdote, let us digress to tell you a quick side story. Some years ago Yolanda’s parents Mr. & Mrs. Yakketyyak were eyeing a vacation house in Malibu. Knowing Yolanda, they asked us whether they should plunk down the cash or not. We told them what we tell everyone. Malibu? Are you crazy? That shit’s gonna be underwater in a few years! The water is cold and stinky! Traffic is horrendous! Don’t ever buy that crap!

Know what Mr. & Mrs. Yakketyyak did? Of course you do. Those beotches bought that crap. And they eventually ended up making good moolah off that transaction. Point is that sometimes folks do things that just seem damn foolhardy with high-end real estate but then they make big bucks off doing those foolhardy things. And the naysayers are the ones left looking foolish. Yolanda’s been left lookin’ a damn fool many times, so we ain’t gon’ judge Mr. Tomlinson for how he spends his mountain of money. Whew.

Because you see, y’all, young Mr. Tomlinson – a lad of only 24 years old – really did spend a brain-frying $10,000,000 on a Los Angeles crib for his baby mama.

The crib in question is actually a huge-ass celebrity-style private compound with, unsurprisingly, a hefty list of former celebrity owners. The property sits in a remote area that’s known as Monte Nido, tucked into the Santa Monica Mountains about halfway between Calabasas and Malibu. Although the property technically has a Calabasas zip code, this is obviously a much and blessedly different area than the Calabasas where those crazy Kardashians reside. Good Lord, can you imagine being neighbors with that pack of looney tunes? The circus would be in town every damn day just with Khloe calling all the paps to see her plop her butt in a Bentley at Trader Joe’s while Kourtney drives her school bus through the gates 46 times per day to pick up and drop off all 18 of her spawn up from daycare or granny Kris’s palace. Lord have mercy.

But we digress yet again. Back to the subject at hand.

Yolanda’s mind boggles at the maintenance expenses required to keep an estate of this magnitude up and running. For starters, the property sits on 5 fully-landscaped acres. The main house is nearly 10,000 square feet, but there’s also a whole host of accessory detached structures including not one but two guest houses, a guard house at the front gate, and a separate “meditation tea house”, whatever the heck that is.

We’re not gonna lie, we totally dig the peaceful setting and those majestic shady sycamores shielding the entrance to the main house.

The double-height living room is exceptionally spacious with a massive flatscreen TV, ornate custom chandelier, lustrous milk chocolate-colored hardwood floors and lots of cool architectural details. Check out that fireplace. Pretty insane.

There’s a proper entrance hall and foyer that leads directly to the living and dining areas of the main house. In addition, the structure also contains a commodious guest bathroom with eye-catching wood/tile work somewhere on the main floor.

Now that’s what Yolanda’s talkin’ about. A real damn two-story library of our dreams. Louis, baby, won’t you invite your gurl over for an afternoon of reading while curled up on that sofa? We can’t think of a better way to pass the time. Can you?

We were expecting to love the kitchen, but oddly enough it’s definitely Yolanda’s least favorite part of the estate. Somehow the ceiling feels too low, and those yellowish (terrazzo?) countertops just don’t jive with the vibe of the rest of the estate. Where are those amazing Spanish tiles that are featured so liberally in other parts of the house? And we’re also not crazy about that choice of flooring or that ugly-ass white apron sink that sticks out worse than Kim K’s blimp-sized badonkadonk. (Okay, fine. No more Kardashian references for a whole month. Cross our heart.)

Seriously, what the hell happened with this room? Did the construction workers forget to finish the job? Don’t make Yolanda come up in there and slap a ho. At least there’s a built-in aquarium so we won’t string anybody up just yet. Not in front of the fishies, at least.

The master bedroom is pleasingly unconventional with its sloping roofline, sitting alcove, and a particularly comfy-looking sofa. We’re not sure if that enormous wooden beam on the ceiling that appears to bisect the bed is good feng shui or not, but we’re feelin’ it nonetheless.

Out back there’s a masive rectangular pool with a raised spa centered around the property’s second guest house and enough lounge chairs to fit all the One Directioners and their romantic interests.

On the left, the property’s front gate and guard house. Looky-loos and screaming fangurls, beware. At right, a stone bridge heading over a section of the private creek which runs throughout the property. You know you’re a boss when you own your own big ass creek, y’all.

At left is one of two small guesthouses located somewhere within the property. There’s also an outdoor lounge patio area near the front of the main house on the right.

 

What a lovely outdoor lounge area with heat lamps, a firepit, and even a TV. Enjoying some hookah and hummus out here on a chill Saturday night sounds just right to us.

Mr. Tomlinson now doesn’t have to buy his own wine from the local Gelson’s like the plebes do. Check out those tasty-looking vines. Just kidding. We wouldn’t eat the vines (bad joke).

Here we have the “meditation tea house”. We’re still not sure what the exact purpose of this thing is but it’s stunningly gorgeous. Yolanda would most assuredly spend every morning eating her gravy ‘n grits up in here while having her daily pedicure done.

As previously mentioned, the property has had a long string of celebrity owners. In 2003 it was acquired for $4,750,000 by the fab-u-lous gay Hall of Fame songwriter Desmond Child (for those who don’t know, he wrote or co-wrote some huge ass hits for superstars like Ricky Martin, Cher, Bon Jovi, and Katy Perry.  Anyway, in 2004 Mr. Child flipped the house for $5,500,000 to helicopter pilot/entrepreneur extraordinaire Alan Purwin and his wife, Kathryn. Mr. Purwin filmed aerial scenes for hundreds of films including some of the biggest blockbusters of all time. Unfortunately, his life was unexpectedly cut short last year when he perished in a plane crash while on assignment shooting in Columbia.

In summer 2010, the Purwin’s put the compound on the market with an optimistic asking price of $13 million. Unfortunately, the property didn’t sell until late 2011, when it was acquired by a mysterious corporate entity named “Monte Nido LLC” for just $6,300,000, or less than half of what the Purwins originially wanted.

Yolanda happens to know that “Monte Nido LLC” is a corporate cloak for famous British financier Roger Jenkins, who was once the highest-paid man at Barclays and ran around the globe making international deals worth billions but now resides in relative anonymity in Malibu. Mr. Jenkins gave the property a major remodel “in the style of California Mission and Santa Barbara architecture,” according to the listing and which y’all can see in the listing photos.

Side note: Mr. Jenkins’ ex-wife Diana Jenkins – a Bosnian philanthropist and A-list socialite who prowls around town with the likes of Cindy Crawford, Ari Emanuel, and George Clooney – also resides in Malibu. She’s also widely rumored in certain pockets of LA to run the biggest celebrity escort service in Hollywood. That’s right, y’all. Ms. Jenkins is (allegedly!) the biggest thing to hit the scene since our sista Heidi Fleiss took a long trip downtown. But that’s really another story for another day, ain’t it?

In April 2014, Mr. Jenkins put the compound up for sale with a still-optimistic pricetag of $13 million. Unfortunately for him, it took nearly two years before along came Mr. Tomlinson who swooped it up for the aforementioned discount price of $10 million.

Yolanda has heard from a certain someone in a position to know that Mr. Tomlinson, Ms. Jungwirth, baby Tomlinson, and Mr. Tomlinson’s current gal pal Danielle Campbell, an actress who’s starred in a couple films we ain’t never heard of before, are all currently occupying the premises along with whatever live-in security/staff Mr. Tomlinson employs to secure and maintain this baller-style estate. Seriously?!?! Okay, Yolanda promised she wasn’t going to do any judging but she’s just gotta spit some truth for a moment. Listen up real good, Mr. Tomlinson. Call Yolanda a prude all you like but what you’ve got cookin’ up here is a recipe for certain disaster. We’re sure many young men dream of running their own harem but if you don’t get all them women up on outta your house something or someone eventually gonna pop off.

Even more pictures in the gallery section for all you 1D fans.

50 Replies to “Louis Tomlinson Buys a $10 Million Calabasas crib for his baby mama”

  1. He’s gay, you nitwit.

  2. Ramada ramone says: Reply

    Very gay with harry

  3. He lives there with his frog

  4. Thank you for showing us the Larry residence

  5. louis does not buy the house to the baby mama but he publicly rent the paul mckennas house for babygate pr stunt. it seems louis buy this house to live in with his boyfriend harry. louis will never waste big money like 10 millions on a gold-digger brinannna and her nasty greedy family the junclworms.

    1. You guys need to let this Larry thing die, really. Harry and Louis aren’t even in the same vicinity as each other and haven’t been this entire Hiatus. This is Liam’s house btw. And don’t be rude to Briana and her family because LOUIS got her pregnant. They are both at fault, stop blaming one and not the other. Louis could’ve worn a condom- but he didn’t.

  6. He’s married to Louis

  7. Harry is

  8. The Larry House™

  9. Rbb and Co. says: Reply

    louis and harry still live together and therefore larry is real by default. i’m rooting for them. i trust them and they’re going to win this time.

  10. Funny how we haven’t seen a single picture of Briana in this house. "Bitch please, that fool can’t afford a $10 million house" No he probably couldn’t… on his own… but sharing it with his, just as rich boyfriend Harry, he can!

    1. You haven’t seen brianna in it because it’s liams this article messed up.

  11. He bought this house to live in and start a family with his boyfriend (or husband we really don’t know until they come out) after this shitshow ends

  12. The problem with this theory is a quick Google search shows a number of photo’s of Louis’ bandmate Liam Payne in this house. He has instagrammed a number of photo’s from this house. As far back as last year. So I think you might have gotten it wrong. Yes it was bought by a 1D member, just not Louis, but Liam instead.

  13. THIS IS LARRYS HOUSE AND I CAN PROVE IT.

  14. Sure Jan.
    Any Larry worth her salt knows this is a stunt house.
    Harry and Louis live on Oak Pass Road in BH. #bitchplease

  15. A casa de Larry é tão harmoniosa ❤❤

  16. areyoukiddingmepeople says: Reply

    Funny how there is ZERO proof that Louis owns or lives in this house but we now have 3 pics from this house in Liam’s Instagram. This is Liam’s house, not Louis’

  17. I can’t believe you STILL haven’t updated this VERY WRONG blog post. This house belongs to Liam Payne, not Louis Tomlinson and my god at the mess you caused with this unverified piece of gossip. I can’t wait until you discover this error you’ve made and when you do, I sincerely hope you’ll correct this blog post. So aggravating.

  18. That’s Liam Payne’s house

  19. You got the wrong info that’s liam’s house not louis

  20. He's actually gay, Petra says: Reply

    He’s gay, Petra

  21. OMG I have never been more convinced than I am right now that this is, in fact, Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles’ shared home. Here’s a tip, Yolanda — “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” You should have backed out of this mess when you had a chance! And how on earth do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you let a fandom coerce you into changing your story? Godspeed, you fool.

    1. This is Liam’s home actually. Louis/Briana/Freddie/Harry haven’t even been pictured near this home. Liam, on the other hand, has posted a few pictures to his Instagram of him at this house. Sorry to crush your Larry dreams, but again, this “Larry proof” is false.

  22. Seriously a fan dons info is more valid than your sources???? Yolanda has no credibility doing stuff like that. How about a member of one direction purchased it you think 😂

  23. First you published that it was Tomlinson’s house (even though there were multiple photo suggesting it’s Payne’s) with detailed and kind of disturbing infos that Tomlinson has this house for his newborn baby and baby-mama. After the attention that article attracted you insisted it is Tomlinson’s house and only reacted to the part of Larry fans and insisted it is Tomlinson’s but Styles has nothing to do with it. And now after a while you retracted saying it is indeed Payne’s house because fans pointed that out to you. You should have checked your info before you published it first time and completely fabricated the story, and you should have found more credible source than fans for your correction now. You completely lost your credibility with this.

  24. you created a mess for not verify things and make suposicones where is your credibility

  25. Louis and Harry let Niall sleep in their meditation tea house because Niall can’t get rid of the ghost at his house. Liam sleeps in the library. He’s not a reader but it makes him feel like one.

  26. Sorry but you lost all your credibility you honestly dont know what you are talking about.

  27. this is liam’s house lmao. Liam’s been photographed at the house 3 times, louis 0 times and Briana 0 times.Unless Liam lives with ” Louis’ baby mama” which seems very unlikely.

  28. i mean… go off but this is where louis lives boo http://www.tmz.com/2016/02/01/louis-tomlinson-rental-home-near-baby/ .

    this house you’re talking about is legit liam’s house no matter your anonymous source which sounds kinda fake to me :/

  29. You literally lost all credibility
    every other post you did is questionable now, especially the ones you only got from mysterious sources without having other real prove.

  30. @INTENSI_T posted on twitter a pic of himself in this house and right after he said i think on ig stories “liam payne’s house is insane”, he was along with josh the drummer you can ask this guy who owns this house since he was there with josh , i think you have to check again , this is liams house or the ones a relationship is liam and louis not louis and harry and i dont think neither of them are on a secret relationship tbfh

    1. Oh and thanks i love your blog , i hope you forgave all those people who are posting ugly comments here and being unpolite , you dont deserve that , you are so nice and not all 4d fans are like that.
      And hey, can i ask you something? Could you please check how and where is Zayn’s house? I would to see how is inside, the pics of the house he post are a little bit diferent from the one the dailyemail (i think) was claiming was his, please , please , please , please , check his house , the pool , the kitchen , the garden , sorry i just love to see rich people’s house and he is my favorite after harry styles

  31. Ps.: zayns house in L.A.

  32. This is liam’s house and idc about your source but clearly you’re wrong. Liam has been positing pics consistently for months now and he’s always there when he’s in LA because he goes to LA all the time in case you don’t know. Louis has never been pictured there so you’re wrong about this. There’s nothing that links him to that house. What a mess.

  33. lot of bullshit

  34. I’m sorry Yolanda – forgive the comments. You’ve fallen into the 1D fandom hotbed through no fault of your own. Hope you are having a fantastic day in sunny California. Keep the stories and blog coming – really enjoy reading them. You make me smile😊

  35. HE IS GAY PETRA says: Reply

    antis can suck my imaginary d*ck… Larry lives in this house

    1. You can choke one Liam’s real dick because this is his house. Drop the whole “Larry” bullshit, Louis and Harry haven’t even been near each other the ENTIRE hiatus once. Louis has been spending time with Freddie and Danielle (and Simon when he was judging on America’s Got Talent) Harry also has TWO of his OWN houses. One in London and one in Hollywood Hills that is different from the house Louis is renting- again this house isn’t Louis’. If they were honeslty together, do you really think that they would be able to visit each other without ANYBODY knowing. How about this? When Harry was filming, in France, in London, etc. Louis was in LA, when Harry was on LA hanging out with Kendall and Jeff Azoff, Louis was London. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN ON THE SAME CONTINENT!!! Louis even banned “Larry” from appearing in his Instagram comments. Why can’t you just let it go?

  36. oh my sweet Yolanda the fact that you changed your idea for a bunch of emails just proved again that harry and louis live together … !!! DEAL WITH IT

    1. but not in this house though

      1. she just change the article again ! thisi louis house not liam’s

        1. She doesn’t know shit though, neither does her source “Mr. Deep Throat”
          But we know Harrys house in LA (the old one and also the new one), the house Louis rented for Brianna und the house Louis stays in when he is in LA, and we know Liam purchased a house earlier this year but not what house. But since late february ever pic of Liams stay in LA is in the house pictured here, so it’s most likely that this is the house he bought. The time fits with the blog just not the person.

          1. sooo the emails from a bunch of “directioners” are a real source uhm ? And “their names both start with L” i mean you run a blog about celebrities houses so you know a lot of people in the industry but you chose to believe to fans and after 5 months . Ykes

  37. sooo the emails from a bunch of “directioners” are a real source uhm ? And “their names both start with L” i mean you run a blog about celebrities houses so you know a lot of people in the industry but you chose to believe to fans and after 5 months . Ykes

    1. the sources are the evidence at hand, like I said, we know all the boys houses but Liams, but we know he bought a house earlier this year, and since february we see Liam at this house in LA. Even if Larry had a joined LA house, it doesn’t make sense that Liam stays at that house and not his own recently bought own house.

      1. Still don’t understand why after 5 months sorry …… she edited the article two times.

        1. after 5 months what?
          Alone the fact that she edited the article shows she doesn’t really know

  38. Louis is renting this property out now. It is Louis’ not Liam’s by the way. Kudos Yolanda for not backing down!

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